October, 1976. I was handed the telephone and listened closely to my father's words on the other end.
"I'm going to put you on the phone with your grandmother. She can't talk to you, but she can hear you. Don't take long because your brothers need to talk, too. Got it?"
"Yes, sir." My heart raced as I tried to figure out what I was going to say to Grandma. My sister had already spoken to her and said some very beautiful things in a very short time.
"Here she is."
There was a slightly muffled sound of phone movement and transmitter-against-skin as I heard the distant voice of my father, telling me to go ahead. Grandma had been paralyzed by a serious stroke and her time left on this earth was uncertain. Dad held the phone against her ear in the hospital.
"Grandma," I tearfully began as I reached clumsily and desperately for words, "I love you, Grandma. I'm sorry for everything bad that I did at your house. I love you, Grandma. I-, I-, I-, I promise to be good, Grandma. I love you, Grandma! I hope you get better and can leave that hospital soon, Grandma. I promise not to steal any more biscuits before dinner, Grandma! I love you, Grandma! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, GRANDMAAAA! I-"
"Put Terry on the phone," he interrupted.
And that was it. A matter of seconds given to sum up everything that I felt about her. Everything I appreciated about her. Everything I assured her I would become in life. My final moments with her. No one said that it would be my final words to her, but somehow, I felt it. I remember that conversation as if I just had it yesterday.
A few days later, I saw my father pacing up and down the hallway, snapping his fingers on his right hand. Hard. His lips, firmly pressed together as he shook his head in what I deciphered as a combination of anger and sorrow. Then I knew...
Grandma was gone.
No more loving, suffocating hugs. No more 15-block walks from 138th and Alder to 139th and Carey Street. No more stops at Cole's or Kat's store. No more waving at my Cousin Curly Davis along the way. No more of those delicious biscuits. Oh my God, those delightful biscuits (Sadly, she took that recipe with her. All anyone knew was that she used a LOT of lard, as she did with a lot of her creations. I guess that helped make her health condition anything but surprising).
Grandma was gone...
I was devastated! All of the things that I wanted to say. Not ONE of them came to my 8-year-old mind when it mattered most! Then I thought about all of the times I spent at her house, helping her cook or clean. Listening to her talk about any and everything. Getting whooped with a fly swatter, belt or extension cord for doing everything I wasn't supposed to do and half of what I was SUPPOSED to. Sure, I'd told her that I loved her many times, but I still wish now, 43 years later, that I had told her how much. I know she knew, but I wish she had heard it from my own two lips.
I was a little kid then and it's understandable. But the lesson was not lost on me. I spent every year after, telling everyone what and how I felt about them, every opportunity that I had. I kissed my kindergarten teacher and told her before Christmas break (made her cry, unexpectedly). I told teachers during the school year and before going on to the next grade. I told my Sunday school teacher, choir director and pastor. I told my classmates over the years and on stage during our final Senior Class Weekly Meeting before graduation. I've told co-workers, relatives, friends, customers (in appropriate fashion), you name it. There are few people in my life that don't know how much I love and appreciate them.
I think where I fell short was when it came to my heart. Romance. There were quite a few girls that I failed to notify along the way in grade school, high school and especially college. My insecurity and low self-esteem kept me from telling people how I TRULY felt about them for fear of ridicule. When I did, it was too late. It cost me a high school prom date, a few possible girlfriends and yes, some epic neighbor-waking sex! Hey, this is MY blog. It's family-oriented, but it's gonna tell the truth.
Admittedly, one of the reasons I'm writing this is because I had a recent conversation with an old co-worker who told me that if things don't work out with my wife, she'd love a chance someday. WOW! Not only had she been attracted to me when we worked together, but her cousin was trying to flirt and get my attention as well. She also told me that several of the girls at this job were crazy about me. Not that I could or would have done anything about it, but man, the things you learn.
I guess this is a good time to segue into this message: You should only tell people what you really feel about them when it's appropriate. lol
For those of you that don't miss a moment to tell people that they matter, thank you! If you work over people and tell them how much you appreciate their work, AWESOME! For those of you that tell your children how much you cherish them, FANTASTIC! Kids, you too. Tell your parents. For those of you that have spoken at funerals, written tributes or gave your love and testimonies about the dearly departed on social media, God bless you. There is nothing more meaningful than the kind words we offer about those we will never see again in this life. But I ask you to consider my closing story/message heavily...
One of my favorite "Good Times" episodes is S5 E11 - "Requiem For A Wino" (that's the YouTube link to the full episode). In it, Fishbone the Wino (Robert Guillaume) is mistakenly confused with someone that is killed in a car accident (who stole his wallet). The neighborhood holds a powerful funeral for him and he is eventually discovered in the pews, lamenting louder than the remainder of the congregation, disguised as a grieving female in black. Enraged at his deception, the attendants circle and berate him for his insensitivity, to which he loudly interrupts:
"Now just back off everybody! Now what is this all about anyway? Love, right? That's what J.J. just got through preaching, about telling somebody that you love him before it's too late! So TELL me! I was good enough for you when I'm DEAD, now I'm alive! I'm here, so TELL me you LOVE me!!"
Imagine how uplifting it would be if we could hear the words while we're still alive. A posthumous award/ceremony is wonderful, but the recipient does not benefit from it. All of the beautiful thoughts that we share would go so much further if the person were blessed with and by them when they can feel your heart expressing them.
So don't wait until I'm gone. Don't tell the world how much it hurts and how much you can't stop crying (if at all). Don't come to my social media page and post that you still miss me. Tell me now. TELL me you LOVE me!!
I'm not looking for love or fishing for any compliments. I just feel that we'll be so much better in the long run when we all know what's up. Like the phrase goes: "Why don't you tell me how you REALLY feel?"
Because, as you should know by know, I'm damn sure going to tell YOU...
Like what you read? Leave a comment!
And feel free to subscribe and spread the word.
Let me know if there's any particular subject that you'd like me to cover in future posts!
"I'm going to put you on the phone with your grandmother. She can't talk to you, but she can hear you. Don't take long because your brothers need to talk, too. Got it?"
"Yes, sir." My heart raced as I tried to figure out what I was going to say to Grandma. My sister had already spoken to her and said some very beautiful things in a very short time.
"Here she is."
There was a slightly muffled sound of phone movement and transmitter-against-skin as I heard the distant voice of my father, telling me to go ahead. Grandma had been paralyzed by a serious stroke and her time left on this earth was uncertain. Dad held the phone against her ear in the hospital.
"Grandma," I tearfully began as I reached clumsily and desperately for words, "I love you, Grandma. I'm sorry for everything bad that I did at your house. I love you, Grandma. I-, I-, I-, I promise to be good, Grandma. I love you, Grandma! I hope you get better and can leave that hospital soon, Grandma. I promise not to steal any more biscuits before dinner, Grandma! I love you, Grandma! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, GRANDMAAAA! I-"
"Put Terry on the phone," he interrupted.
And that was it. A matter of seconds given to sum up everything that I felt about her. Everything I appreciated about her. Everything I assured her I would become in life. My final moments with her. No one said that it would be my final words to her, but somehow, I felt it. I remember that conversation as if I just had it yesterday.
A few days later, I saw my father pacing up and down the hallway, snapping his fingers on his right hand. Hard. His lips, firmly pressed together as he shook his head in what I deciphered as a combination of anger and sorrow. Then I knew...
Grandma was gone.
No more loving, suffocating hugs. No more 15-block walks from 138th and Alder to 139th and Carey Street. No more stops at Cole's or Kat's store. No more waving at my Cousin Curly Davis along the way. No more of those delicious biscuits. Oh my God, those delightful biscuits (Sadly, she took that recipe with her. All anyone knew was that she used a LOT of lard, as she did with a lot of her creations. I guess that helped make her health condition anything but surprising).
Grandma was gone...
I was devastated! All of the things that I wanted to say. Not ONE of them came to my 8-year-old mind when it mattered most! Then I thought about all of the times I spent at her house, helping her cook or clean. Listening to her talk about any and everything. Getting whooped with a fly swatter, belt or extension cord for doing everything I wasn't supposed to do and half of what I was SUPPOSED to. Sure, I'd told her that I loved her many times, but I still wish now, 43 years later, that I had told her how much. I know she knew, but I wish she had heard it from my own two lips.
I was a little kid then and it's understandable. But the lesson was not lost on me. I spent every year after, telling everyone what and how I felt about them, every opportunity that I had. I kissed my kindergarten teacher and told her before Christmas break (made her cry, unexpectedly). I told teachers during the school year and before going on to the next grade. I told my Sunday school teacher, choir director and pastor. I told my classmates over the years and on stage during our final Senior Class Weekly Meeting before graduation. I've told co-workers, relatives, friends, customers (in appropriate fashion), you name it. There are few people in my life that don't know how much I love and appreciate them.
I think where I fell short was when it came to my heart. Romance. There were quite a few girls that I failed to notify along the way in grade school, high school and especially college. My insecurity and low self-esteem kept me from telling people how I TRULY felt about them for fear of ridicule. When I did, it was too late. It cost me a high school prom date, a few possible girlfriends and yes, some epic neighbor-waking sex! Hey, this is MY blog. It's family-oriented, but it's gonna tell the truth.
Admittedly, one of the reasons I'm writing this is because I had a recent conversation with an old co-worker who told me that if things don't work out with my wife, she'd love a chance someday. WOW! Not only had she been attracted to me when we worked together, but her cousin was trying to flirt and get my attention as well. She also told me that several of the girls at this job were crazy about me. Not that I could or would have done anything about it, but man, the things you learn.
I guess this is a good time to segue into this message: You should only tell people what you really feel about them when it's appropriate. lol
For those of you that don't miss a moment to tell people that they matter, thank you! If you work over people and tell them how much you appreciate their work, AWESOME! For those of you that tell your children how much you cherish them, FANTASTIC! Kids, you too. Tell your parents. For those of you that have spoken at funerals, written tributes or gave your love and testimonies about the dearly departed on social media, God bless you. There is nothing more meaningful than the kind words we offer about those we will never see again in this life. But I ask you to consider my closing story/message heavily...
One of my favorite "Good Times" episodes is S5 E11 - "Requiem For A Wino" (that's the YouTube link to the full episode). In it, Fishbone the Wino (Robert Guillaume) is mistakenly confused with someone that is killed in a car accident (who stole his wallet). The neighborhood holds a powerful funeral for him and he is eventually discovered in the pews, lamenting louder than the remainder of the congregation, disguised as a grieving female in black. Enraged at his deception, the attendants circle and berate him for his insensitivity, to which he loudly interrupts:
"Now just back off everybody! Now what is this all about anyway? Love, right? That's what J.J. just got through preaching, about telling somebody that you love him before it's too late! So TELL me! I was good enough for you when I'm DEAD, now I'm alive! I'm here, so TELL me you LOVE me!!"
 |
| "Fishbone" (Robert Guillaume) and JJ (Jimmie Walker) in Good Times. |
Imagine how uplifting it would be if we could hear the words while we're still alive. A posthumous award/ceremony is wonderful, but the recipient does not benefit from it. All of the beautiful thoughts that we share would go so much further if the person were blessed with and by them when they can feel your heart expressing them.
So don't wait until I'm gone. Don't tell the world how much it hurts and how much you can't stop crying (if at all). Don't come to my social media page and post that you still miss me. Tell me now. TELL me you LOVE me!!
I'm not looking for love or fishing for any compliments. I just feel that we'll be so much better in the long run when we all know what's up. Like the phrase goes: "Why don't you tell me how you REALLY feel?"
Because, as you should know by know, I'm damn sure going to tell YOU...
...and oh yes, I LOVE YOU!!
Like what you read? Leave a comment!
And feel free to subscribe and spread the word.
Let me know if there's any particular subject that you'd like me to cover in future posts!
Great words, and a great message!
ReplyDeleteIn death, when someone dies that we loved, knew, or have ever heard about, we seem to ONLY remember the good in that person, and romanticize that person's memory... (Hell, I've even done that with people that I DIDN'T like much at all... Lord, forgive me....lol)
But in life, we focus on the day-to-day, the mundane, the REAL person, NOT the romanticized version..
But I still appreciate your advice, and love u, lil brother, and wish nothing but the best for u and yours!!
J-Rod, thank you for the words of praise and the wonderful commentary. You know, as you have for years, how much I've idolized you since we were young and how much you mean to me. I wanted so much to be like you in so many ways. I wanted nothing more than to be on that stage with you, playing jazz and R&B to the sounds of all of the girls screaming, "Jake" in the audience. When I felt I was truly ready, you had graduated.
ReplyDeleteBut more than being a great musician, you have always been a most blessed friend. I have the benefit of having shared a great childhood with you and your brother and thank God for every conversation and every laugh. People like you are the reason that this blog was written, because you make it easier for people to celebrate life in all of its glory.
And I can never thank you enough for being that big brother that I've always wanted. I love you, Jake!
Wow. Those are VERY kind words!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, lil, bro! I, too, appreciate the memories u and the music.
I feel so fortunate to still be able to make a living doing music.
I am TRULY a blessed man!!
I know I do NOT deserve all of this favor God had blessed me with... I try not to think about it too much, as if I think about it too much, I'll convince God that He has made a mistake (I know.... BLASPHEMOUS....Lol!) and take all of His blessings from me...
Anyway, keep writing in the way that u do, telling these incredible stories!!
Continued success, lil bro!
Much LOVE and respect!