Thanks to everyone for your suggestions for new and future blog posts. One in particular, I've been considering for quite
some time.
Back in 2012, I started the "...and now, a Message From Us Grown Folk" series, trying to give these clueless "yung'uns" some kind of awareness about life, because they too often exhibit the lack of it. It was well received, as people admitted to finding almost every post applicable to their respective situations. Some were written out of frustration &/or disbelief at things my boys did, some from based on things I heard about their classmates or worse, have seen in the news. Regrettably, a few posts were inspired by some of the madness my friends and I created back in the 80s. We're all guilty on some level because hey, we were all kids at some point.
I haven't done them very much in recent years and was surprised that people noticed that the frequency had dwindled, so the requests to put them in blog format were enough to seal the deal and spark their return.
As I post these, I'll stir some of the original posts in this skillet for the benefit of my newer FB followers and the Blog Bunch. And right now, I can think of no better way to kick it off than by offering a thought for the back-to-school bunch.
(Modified from the original August 27, 2012 post)
Young'uns-
The new school year has begun...
As your mother tearfully hands you that brown paper bag with your sandwich, chips and snack cake, I'm sure you feel the pain you see in her face as she hugs and kisses you, knowing her darling baby(ies) are exiting the home, leaving her all alone for 8 harrowing hours.
Wait. Stop.
I'm sorry. I can't even type this with a straight face... ...change-up... ...starting again...
Take 2 (CLAP!)
Young'uns!
Let me get raw with you demon spawn...
When you get home from school, grab the movie "The Wiz" off of the DVD rack, pop it in, go to the menu and pull up "Scene Selections". Go to the end, when they're performing "Everybody Rejoice (Can You Feel A Brand New Day)" and watch the dancing and celebrating, CLOSELY. Yeah, that's what your parents did. Hell, I was at work doing cartwheels in the middle of a factory, and I'm the SAFETY DIRECTOR! We are soooooo happy that you lazy, complaining, butt-funky, non-cleaning, ever-eating, grandparent hip-fracturing, furniture-breaking, table-scratching, vegetable-regurgitating, toilet-clogging, headache-inducing, sleep-depriving locusts are out of the house! And that look of pain I referenced earlier? That only happens when you RETURN! We love you, but we don't LIKE you!
Please note... there will be one MORE look of anguish, but I promise it won't come from us.
Mess around and come home with a bad note from the teacher this year. See if we don't get some upper-body cardio in, particularly in one arm (the other will be the stabilizing arm, holding you still).
You figure it out.
We went through it in this house from 1997 - 2017.
30 (censored) YEARS!!!
So trust me when I say this because I'm speaking from experience.
And one last thing: If you think we missed the fact you didn't get one stomach ache all summer long, you're wrong. Watch and see what happens when you claim you have one in the next 9 months.
Want more of my rabid ranting? Check out these blog posts:
10 Things You Should Stop Doing To Your Kids
10 Road Rage Rationalizations (Don't Look So Surprised)
10 Reasons Why The World Could Use An Enema
10 Things I Hate About (People In) Sports (Pt 1)
10 Things I Hate About (People In) Sports (Pt 2)
My 10 Commandments As A Photographer
Like what you read? Leave a comment!
And feel free to subscribe and spread the word.
Let me know if there's any particular subject that you'd like me to cover in future posts!
Back in 2012, I started the "...and now, a Message From Us Grown Folk" series, trying to give these clueless "yung'uns" some kind of awareness about life, because they too often exhibit the lack of it. It was well received, as people admitted to finding almost every post applicable to their respective situations. Some were written out of frustration &/or disbelief at things my boys did, some from based on things I heard about their classmates or worse, have seen in the news. Regrettably, a few posts were inspired by some of the madness my friends and I created back in the 80s. We're all guilty on some level because hey, we were all kids at some point.
I haven't done them very much in recent years and was surprised that people noticed that the frequency had dwindled, so the requests to put them in blog format were enough to seal the deal and spark their return.
As I post these, I'll stir some of the original posts in this skillet for the benefit of my newer FB followers and the Blog Bunch. And right now, I can think of no better way to kick it off than by offering a thought for the back-to-school bunch.
...so without further ado...
...annnnnnnd NOW, a Message From "Us Grown Folk":
(Modified from the original August 27, 2012 post)
Young'uns-
The new school year has begun...
As your mother tearfully hands you that brown paper bag with your sandwich, chips and snack cake, I'm sure you feel the pain you see in her face as she hugs and kisses you, knowing her darling baby(ies) are exiting the home, leaving her all alone for 8 harrowing hours.
Wait. Stop.
I'm sorry. I can't even type this with a straight face... ...change-up... ...starting again...
Take 2 (CLAP!)
Young'uns!
Let me get raw with you demon spawn...
When you get home from school, grab the movie "The Wiz" off of the DVD rack, pop it in, go to the menu and pull up "Scene Selections". Go to the end, when they're performing "Everybody Rejoice (Can You Feel A Brand New Day)" and watch the dancing and celebrating, CLOSELY. Yeah, that's what your parents did. Hell, I was at work doing cartwheels in the middle of a factory, and I'm the SAFETY DIRECTOR! We are soooooo happy that you lazy, complaining, butt-funky, non-cleaning, ever-eating, grandparent hip-fracturing, furniture-breaking, table-scratching, vegetable-regurgitating, toilet-clogging, headache-inducing, sleep-depriving locusts are out of the house! And that look of pain I referenced earlier? That only happens when you RETURN! We love you, but we don't LIKE you!
...and we never WILL, as long as you live here!
Please note... there will be one MORE look of anguish, but I promise it won't come from us.
Mess around and come home with a bad note from the teacher this year. See if we don't get some upper-body cardio in, particularly in one arm (the other will be the stabilizing arm, holding you still).
You figure it out.
We went through it in this house from 1997 - 2017.
30 (censored) YEARS!!!
So trust me when I say this because I'm speaking from experience.
And one last thing: If you think we missed the fact you didn't get one stomach ache all summer long, you're wrong. Watch and see what happens when you claim you have one in the next 9 months.
...here endeth the lesson.
Share it with a friend...
Want more of my rabid ranting? Check out these blog posts:
10 Things You Should Stop Doing To Your Kids
10 Road Rage Rationalizations (Don't Look So Surprised)
10 Reasons Why The World Could Use An Enema
10 Things I Hate About (People In) Sports (Pt 1)
10 Things I Hate About (People In) Sports (Pt 2)
My 10 Commandments As A Photographer
Like what you read? Leave a comment!
And feel free to subscribe and spread the word.
Let me know if there's any particular subject that you'd like me to cover in future posts!
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